Muppet Comic Mondays: Not Easy Being Mean


Help. When I originally signed the contract to take over the blog for a week, I thought it would be fun. Particularly as it meant that I got to spend the week at Ryan’s house…although maybe he didn’t realise that was in the small print. (Ryan…it’s NOT true that I accidently broke that vase…it was like that when I got here. I promise!)
But now my regular column has gotten jealous and locked me in a small box with only a laptop for company. Who knew a column about the Muppet Villains would develop a villainy of its own?
The column is taking over and I don’t know how to stop it!
Please send help!
– T.B.C.

P.S. I’m writing this message on the back of a photo postcard I received today from the Ryan in Disney…He wanted to add that he has arrived safely and that he is planning to pack the Live Sweetums from the Vision 3D experience into his suitcase to bring back with him…(Okay, I made up that last part, but shh!)

Muppet Comic Mean-days
The Treasure of Pegleg Wilson

So, all my Muppet Villain columns have spent a considerable amount of time (and money…hey, copy-editors don’t pay for themselves) suggesting that all the Muppet Villains are so brilliantly designed and played because at their heart (if they have hearts) they reflect an important truth about the Muppets. Doc Hopper, for example, reflected the Muppets’ drive but drove himself in the wrong direction (maybe because he didn’t take a correspondence course?). Ed reflected Gonzo’s unique loneliness, and Nicky reflected Miss Piggy’s motivations. But there is one villain who reflects the Muppets in a way that no villain has before. His name is Kismet the Toad, and he’s an exact replica of our beloved frog.

Kismet the Toad appears in the Muppet Show Comic Book: The Treasure of Peg-leg Wilson as the main villain (accompanied by some Dwarves and a Genie, or some such hysterical nonsense). Aside from wearing a big coat and dark-glasses, Kismet is a picture-perfect image of Kermit the Frog (literally picture-perfect…these are perfect pictures from Roger Langridge we are talking about here).

In fact, the only real difference between them is that he’s evil. And not just because he called Scooter a sweaty orange dude. Kismet the Toad is a no-nonsense con-man and sets out from the start to trick everyone into believing he’s the real Kermit, and even once Scooter the Boy Detective has uncovered this secret, Kismet continues to con those around him by persuading Miss Piggy he loves her…and that he would love to see her wearing all her jewels.

Kismet also struck up a deal with Rizzo the Rat, who was searching the Theatre for buried treasure, but when Rizzo realised that he was tearing down his own home, Kismet refused to end their partnership.

Although Kimset turned out to be quite an accomplished singer and dancer, he got his comeuppance in the end…and ending which involved fake diamonds, a robot Piggy in a sailor outfit and a pig policemen. (Oh! I literally JUST got that joke…a pig is the policeman. Haha! *ahem*).
Kismet may have been almost identical to Kermit in looks – but the Toad was utterly unlike the Frog in character.
Ruthlessness: 7 (Kismet used Muppet Rats to accomplish his own evil plans…but if anyone is going to scheme and sneak about the theatre looking for ways to make money…it should be the Rats themselves!)
Sidekick: 4 (Kismet didn’t have a specific sidekick, but made good use of Rizzo, some out-of-work Dwarves and a Rumplestiltskin lookalike!)
Evil appearance: 0 (Hey! There’s nothing evil-looking about Kermit the Frog!)
Talking the talk: 10 (Kismet gets tons of extra points for calling Scooter the sweaty orange guy!)
Likability: 2 (Despite having a rather good sense of humour, there’s little to like about this slimy toad.)
Returnability: 10 (I’d love to see this charlatan return to the Muppet comic books. I could see him reappearing in a story where he could cause endless love-tangles between himself and Miss Piggy. Just don’t tell her it was my idea…)
Likelihood to look just like you plus a coat and dark glasses: 10 (Actually I made rather good use of a lookalike agency myself recently…my column has no idea that it’s actually locked up my dark-glasses wearing lookalike in a small box instead of me while I remain on the loose raiding cold chicken-wings from Ryan’s fridge. HA! See ya tomorrow. – T.B.C.)

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier

2 thoughts on “Muppet Comic Mondays: Not Easy Being Mean

  1. Hey,

    Ryan will be in contact with you as soon as he gets back from being away! You have my word. And the word of a Brit shall never be broken (except in those instances where they are…)

    –The British C

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