The Diary of an Obsessed (British) Muppet Fan

Dear Diary,

TBC – No real picture available

I imagine you were wondering why it is that Ryan has not been spending much time with you lately…well, is it not obvious? I kidnapped the feature in order to attempt a subtle but effective blackmail take down of Ryan so that, finally, the blog would be completely mine mine MINE! But, as usual, I have been foiled by the unexpected openness of the American boy who insisted on A. Filling his diary with some sort of DVD reviews and B. Publishing these inserts publicly thus rendering any attempt to blackmail him with his diary useless.

But never mind that.

I am on to plan B and holding you, oh precious diary, ransom.

Which reminds me…(Cue flashback)…there is something else that I have been holding ransom for quite some time. It is a small book with a long title, available in hard-back from just $11.53 on containing interesting snippets, helpful pick-up lines and some dubious back-story as told by the Muppets own resident king prawn, Pepe.

The book, It’s Hard Out Here For A Shrimp: Life, Love and Living Large, has a flashy cover with a fancy image of Pepe immersed in water with a nice bright blue sky background. (And how DO they do that! I mean, he is a puppet, surely he cannot get wet? Gosh! Technology these days, I ask you.) The book contains witty advice on how to live your life the Pepe way and is a quick read that can easily be completed in one sitting (although this depends on your definition of one sitting since I keep one copy in my guest bathroom).

The book is divided into sections such as Love (“First love is the best, followed by second love, then third, then fourth, then… you get the idea, okay.”), Family (“I owe my family everything, with interest.”), Friends (“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer… and your girlfriend away from them both.”), and Monies (“If there was such a thing as easy money, I wouldn’t be writing this book.”). Each section then contains pithy witticisms in the style of a self-help guide, although in Pepe’s case it could be more of a “help yourself” guide. See? I made a witticism! And they say the British are not pithy…

I personally found the book funny enough to raise a smile on each page, but felt that it did not quite reach the point of laugh-out-loud humour; however, the book provides a valuable insight into Pepe’s mind and forms a great conversation starter after guests have used the convenience.

Wait a minute!

I see what is happening here. Somewhere along the way this diary entry morphed into a book review! I was only trying to tell you about the time I held the book ransom until my aforementioned guest washed their hands! Sheesh.

Anyway… I must message Ryan that I have his book and that if he does not wish to receive a torn out page in the post as proof then he better start handing me the keys to that blog of his.

Until next time.
The British Correspondent

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier

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