The British C’s Alternative The Muppets Spoilers 2011 Edition

The British are coming! The British are coming!

One may well cry such an alert in Ryan’s general direction as I, the British Correspondent, have a little something to say about (topically) spoilers. So incensed am I with those who have flooded the internet with these unexpected segues from a review into a spoiler without warning that I have tricked Ryan into checking out an omelette station (note The Muppet reference) while I break through the security links of his blog and post my revenge, Miss Poogy style…minus the bad wig, obviously, my hair is perfect.

Anyway, having found myself once again rampantly let loose upon the site, I have decided that rather than continue the circle of mild-irritation (or RAGE!) cause by accidently spoiler-sharers, I will help the situation by leaking a number of al alternative spoilers that may or may not be true in order to keep you guessing right up until the time you get through the theatre door (or in my case, the cinema door).

The British C’s Alternative The Muppets Spoilers 2011 Edition

• Bruce Willis is the ghost
• Fozzie uses sight gags for the sake of comedy, which may or may not include a pair of fart shoes
• Life is a happy song
• Amy Adams has alliteration in her name (which makes her sounds= a little like a character from Sesame Street)
• It is not that easy being green
• Soylent green is people (Kermit Green is a fantastic, warm colour to paint your child’s nursery)

• Gonzo and Camilla are an item (an item of what exactly remains to be seen…)
• The Muppets contains the Muppets
• Something happens at the beginning, in the middle and at the end of this movie
• Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water (the movie Jack and Jill went only downhill)
• You are reading this list (Spoiler alert!!!)
• Waldorf’s wife is called Astoria (this is a pun, therefore, it is funny)
• The butler did it (usually)
• The 80’s Robot is not from the 70’s or the 90’s
• Someday they will find it, the lovers, the dreamers and you (yes, you)
• Rowlf is a dog who plays the piano
• Emily Blunt is hot (usually)
• The Glee Club does not win at nationals (but they go home with a moral victory, or something like that)
• You can’t read my, can’t read my, you cannot read my poker face
• The Village is really set now (as is Smalltown, just not beset with monsters)
• Jason Segel is not a seagull (he also does not appear naked in this movie)
• I am your father (yes, you)
• Various characters return and can be seen in the background of many scenes (including Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo the Great and Fozzie Bear)
• Whoopi Goldberg is not a Muppet (we think)
• I had a blueberry Muffin for breakfast (it was delicious)

• Kermit and Miss Piggy to not share a sibling (Dan and Serena off of Gossip Girl do)
• That picture is not from Gossip Girl —>>>
• Smalltown, USE is not the birthplace of Superman (That is Smallville…and technically Krypton)
• There are no Fraggles in this movie
• James Bond survives (even when shot at by hundreds of random evil guards)
• The bellhops look like rats (and you should see the chambermaids!)
• Scooter works somewhere for someone doing something before he is brought back together with the gang
• Miss Piggy is NOT Miss Poogy (however, they are both pigs and attractive)
• Pepe also belived in Santa Clause despite appearing cynical to his existence
• Ryan’s cat once had a perm (and I have photographic evidence of this event which I use to blackmail him on dark days)

• Miss Piggy did NOT steal Lady Holiday’s necklace (it was all a clever ruse!) (Wow, two reference in one fake spoiler)
• These spoilers stopped being very funny about three spoilers ago but I still have space to fill and after taking over the blog I can hardly leave it half heartedly filled with mildly interesting semi-spoilers or I shall look quite the idiot so…hmmm….here’s one final one:
• The word “Phenomena” is traditionally followed by the saying “Doo doo, do, doo doo” (Scientifically speaking)

Your regularly schedualed Weekly Muppet Wednesday programming will resume (one assumes) whenever Ryan can reclaim the blog from my evil tyranical British clutches.

Love as ever!

-The British C

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