Weekly Human Wednesdays: Snake Walker

Written by Mark Hansen.


Performed by…
Scott Walker

Appeared in…
The Muppet Movie (1979)

What he does…
Kill frogs

Memorable quote…
“Kill frogs.”

Very little is known about Mr. Walker, but his legacy looms large in Muppet history. Doc Hopper, charmed by Kermit the Frog’s natural charisma, insists he become the national spokesfrog for his French Fried Frog Leg chain of restaurants. Kermit, understandably, turns this offer down, in spite of a very lucrative offer of five hundred American dollars. Hopper then takes a hard turn from businessman with a dream to homicidal sociopath, hires the best (and only?) frog assassin in the Western United States.

Snake Walker, like most assassins wears all black to blend in the shadows. Unlike most assassins, he also wears goggles, presumably because his targets are amphibians. His weapon of choice is a gun that shoots what appears to be a sharpened tuning fork. Fortunately, the only Kermit impaled by the tuning fork is a crude stick figure at target practice. He was last seen running from the Godzilla-sized Animal, along with Hopper’s motley crew of various hooligan and non-frog-based ruffians. Presumably, he’s given up contract killing/pest control, perhaps becoming a singer-songwriter?

I suppose in terms of story structure, Snake Walker’s presence is what pushes Hopper’s right-hand man Max to have a crisis of conscience and culminates in the big showdown. But really, the Muppets don’t need Snake Walker. They need him not!

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, muppetmindset@gmail.com

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